I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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