I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
