worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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