Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I would fuck him just for his dog
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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