i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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