in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Randomize
