On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
