can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
