so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
