I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Drake has all the answers
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
