im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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