Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
