he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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