I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
