She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
