What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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