you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
