I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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