chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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