you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i just had sex bonerless
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Randomize
