you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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