did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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