I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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