My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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