I'm sorry my penis didn't work
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
