Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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