I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
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