Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
