Will you blow on my dice?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
