Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
