no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
