Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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