Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
