i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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