so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
