She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I supernannyed him into submission
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
