I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
