You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
