Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
