Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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