I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
