i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
third nipple confirmed
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
