using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
