maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
