im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
