everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
The police scanner is talking about you again....
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
