I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
