We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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