White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
