don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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